Marriage??

So recently I was asked by an elderly man if I wanted to get married. As I was working when this was asked I couldn't give my what would normally be opinionated answer so I just said 'I don't know I don't really see the point in it any more.' Again I was given the old speech which I get every time I give that answer 'but its more of a commitment' followed by 'you can't just walk away after an argument' again followed by 'and definitely better if there are children involved' and all I wanted to say was 'bullshit...bullshit....bullshit!'.

Please don't think of as hating on people who do get married everyone has there own reasons but I don't see how anyone should think of a partner as any different to a married couple.
I argue this point because of many reasons and it will probably be easier for me to organises my mess of thoughts in list form. Everyone loves lists right?

1. Materialism

Now this isn't really a reason I don't want to get married but it is a reason why I kind of don't look upon it as a true 'commitment'. Marriage was originally put in place as in exchange of women for land as women weren't allowed to buy land at the time. That eventually moved on to people marrying so the women could pop out babies and look after the children and then it moved on to be about love. But these days it seems to be more about who can do it the biggest and the best. I seems to be focused on how much the ring costs or how expensive the dress is or who can throw the best party. Young girls grow up wanting there end goal to be married with kids, they start thinking about what to name there children from the age of 8 and designing there wedding when doing arts and crafts. They don't think about the person the would like to spend the rest of their life with, they just think about the glamour which goes along with this socially constructed thing we call marriage.

     2. Children

Is it really better for the children? I have witnessed divorce with children involved and I have seen the end result of a partnership end with children. In divorce the children seem to be more used as a weapon for money or as a weapon to hurt the other person and because in a marriage you have to go through this long and unfair process the children experience more pain as most couples will only go through this process if absolutely necessary. Yet in a partnership it is between two people, there are no solicitors involved, money belongs to the person who earned it. The children are less likely to be used as weapons for money and hurting the other person, and as it isn't such a process to get out of a partnership there is less pain involved so it is more likely to end on good terms. I have witnessed this happen and the couple involved and their new partner/wife get on so well which was good for the now grown up children in these circumstances.
So for me after seeing both these happen its hard for me to believe it is ever better for children involved to have a better life when the parents are married compared to when they are not.

   3. Old fashioned traditions

Sex with in marriage and children within marriage and last names! WTF! People still believe these today and it absolutely baffles me. What if it ends up that you and your partner are completely not sexually compatible, you are unable to experience that intimacy that every couple should have and now you are tied together in this socially constructed made up thing called marriage and its a long and laborious process to get out of. And then with children! There is absolutely no evidence what so ever that proves that children conceived inside of wedlock compared to ones outside of wedlock are any more happier, are any smarter, are any more creative, make any more money, live more fulfilling lives than the other. And the old taking the mans name thing! Like seriously you are willing to lose your whole connection to your ancestors and take someone else's name, and then you are considered family, now I don't know about you but all I can think about when couples call them selves family is 'please tell me you're not cousins'...just me...okay.

I don't think marriage is relevant in this day and age, women are allowed to own property. Commitment can be expressed as much through a long term relationship as a marriage. Marriage doesn't mean you love a person more than people in a long term relationship. All it means is that you either have religious values which favour marriage which is absolutely fine if its your choice, your you simply prefer the idea of being married, that's fine to. But please don't force these views on someone who doesn't care for it. Don't see 'get married all ready' or 'when is the wedding' after they have had a child.

Just accept peoples values, feel free to express and opinion, but understand the other persons choice.

Holly.